Forgiven Regrets
by Tiki Rocket
Summary: Misty left Ash three years earlier for neglecting her and their relationship. Now, she's gone back in hopes of reconciling.


Author's Note: This song was inspired by Lisa Loeb's "You Say". I don't own the song, nor do I own Pokemon. Ha. Go away evil companies!!

Forgiven Regrets

Misty found herself standing outside of Ash's front door again.

'It's been three years,' she thought. 'Three years since I left. And now, I remember only half of why, and nothing of the logic behind it...'

It'd happened like this:

It was late on a spring evening, and Misty had found herself sulking on the couch again. She and Ash had been an item for a year and a half, and were now living together; 23 was a good age to move in with the one you thought you'd be with forever, wasn't it?

But she was sulking, because Ash had been gone for a day and a half, training or visiting the Oak household, and she was really starting to miss him.

He'd done this before, on more than one occaision; it would last up to a week, and he'd come back acting as if he'd been out for a morning walk, no more than a simple "Hey beautiful, what's up?" followed by a wink and a kiss. Sure, the kiss was good, but the LEAST he could do was say "I missed you", or suggest something mildly exciting for later.

'I feel so misplaced,' Misty thought, scowling into the pillow she was clutching. 'Like I'm just here to amuse him when he's got some boredom time, or when he's horny...'

She viciously struck out at the cushions; The impact didn't feel enough like hitting a person to make her feel any better, which irritated her further. 'I'm not some sex toy!'

She'd tried bringing this up with him. His explanation had been, "Misty, I'm trying to follow my dreams. I'm currently the best in Kanto and Johto, no one can beat me now! I've got to work to maintain that, but it's a great achievement." He gave her a guilt inducing look, one that almost made her feel bad. "Aren't you proud of me?"

"Of course I'm proud of you!" she replied sharply. "But I want to see more of you, not have you away for so long."

"I have to be."

"I know."

And that had been the end of it.

But as the last bit of light disappeared through the clouds that covered the sky, Misty decided. 'I can't stay here anymore. I can't wait for him like this, it hurts too much. I can leave. I'll put a note on the fridge to explaining everything.'

For once, she had been very glad she didn't have many personal belongings.

Everything she felt important enough was put in a large backpack. 'I'll travel,' she thought determinedly. 'I'll travel through Kanto and visit my family and travel through Johto visiting friends.'

Then the note.

Everything she wrote, though, came out wrong. scribbles covered page after page until she was ready to scream in frustration.

'Screw the note!' she thought angrily. 'I'm leaving!' Then she hurried to the door, as much to avoid getting caught as to prevent changing her mind.

But before she could even touch the knob, the door opened. Ash. He looked at her, started with that godforsaken "Hey beautiful, what's up?" then noticed the backpack and the red coat she wore over a yellow t-shirt and blue-jeans.

"Misty, what's going on?"

She looked at him, mouth slightly open, searching for her suddenly missing voice. She cleared her throat. "I'm leaving, Ash."

She said it as firmly and gently as she could, and was even impressed with herself for how convincing she sounded.

"What?!" The look of hurt and shock on his face made her want to apologise, go put her things away, hold him-

"I'm leaving," she reiterated, as much for her sake as for his. "I can't stay here anymore, you disappear for days on end, you never miss me when you're gone, when you're here we barely talk about anything important- I can't stay here."

"That's not true!" He fought back. "Misty, I love you! I love having you here, I love knowing I'll come home to you're face when I'm gone. I love the feelings you give me. I love proving how much I miss you when I come home," he said, hinting and their sex life.

Misty wasn't tempted. "Ash, I'm leaving. I don't belong here anymore."

"Misty, no, please don't." Ash was looking desperate now. "I don't want to lose you. You don't know how much you mean to me-"

"Ash, I don't mean as much to you as you think!" She snapped. "I don't mean that much to you at all! If I meant that much, you'd invite me on your little outings! If you cared that much, you would spend more time here! If you meant what you said, I wouldn't want to leave right now!"

Her eyes were brimming with tears, her heart was tearing itself into confetti, but Misty was going to stand by her decision. She lowered her voice. "You're just afraid to lose."

"Misty, don't be naive! I know you don't want to do this!" He could see her weakness in the tears building in her eyes, and he was trying to play on it.

It wasn't working. "I'm going to do this. I want to do this. I'm strong enough to make it on my own." Once again, Misty could feel herself insisting as much for her own sake as for his.

"Please Misty... please don't do this to me..."

She walked past him, away from his desperately seeking hands as they reached for her, and out the door. She closed it quietly behind herself, turned, and ran down the road, away from the house and away from the sound of Ash's sobs.

And now, three years later, Misty had come to a realization.

She needed him as much as he claimed to need her.

The first year, she'd blocked him out of her life completely, thinking "I don't need him. He's not necessary. I'll get on with my life, get over him." Misty casually dated, flirted with cute trainers, grew her hair out and felt beautiful.

By the middle of the second year, she began consciously wondering how he was. She wondered if he was still doing as well in the Pokemon League rankings, or if he was taking care of himself. Then she began to wonder if he missed her.

Between then and now, she'd come to the startling, and initially frustrating truth: She missed him horribly.

She raised her fist to knock on the door, and hesitated. What if he got a new girlfriend? What if he hated her for leaving? What if returning made her a weak person? What if, what if, what if...?

'What if's' rose in her mind, all the individual things she feared had changed since she'd last been there.

"If you had the courage to leave, you need to have the courage to return," she muttered, and forced herself to knock.

"Just a minute!" she heard Ash's familiar voice call.

Her heart jumped at his voice, and began to pound so loudly she was certain Ash would hear it before he opened the door. She tried to calm herself down and cool the adrenaline as it pumped in her veins.

The door opened, and Ash stood there grinning in welcome- then jumped in surprise when he saw who it was. Shock and alarm scribbled themselves on everything he did in response.

"Misty! Ah, uh, you, came back!" he stuttered, obviously not sure what to do. She smiled at Ash, took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"Ash, I'm sorry..." she started, eyes lowering. 'God I sound so lame...' she thought before continuing. "I realized, over the past few years, how much I missed you, how much I loved you and needed you in my life. What I did- what I did was- hell, I don't know how to explain it, outside of 'young and stupid'. But I'm sorry." She paused to maintain her composure. "I'm so, so sorry."

The tears were welling up again, and her throat was hurting. She'd thought this every night for the past several months, and the tears were what eventually brought her to dreams of his smiling face, ending with the storm they'd parted on.

She angrily brushed the tears away, and tried to keep her voice steady. "I wouldn't blame you if you don't want to forgive me. It's been a really long time, and I was so bull headed about the whole thing. But I had to come back here and tell you or I wouldn't be able to live with myself anymore."

Misty couldn't look at his face. She couldn't bring herself to. She was afraid of what his expression might be, and she was afraid she wouldn't like it.

'But then again,' she thought, 'what was I hoping for? Acceptance, an "it'll be all better"? Or high drama?' She realized she'd come here without really thinking about what might happen.

"Misty..."

In the time it took her to blink, Ash wrapped his arms tightly around her.

Of all the reactions she'd been expecting, this hadn't been one of them, but she didn't fight it. She could smell him again, and she had missed that smell.

For the last three years, as she was in the middle of travelling, Misty would smell 'ghost' scents on the breeze. Ash's scent. She knew well enough it wasn't really him, but every time she caught it, Misty would stop to breathe it in. Until now, it had always brought back painful memories.

But now it was real, and that was what mattered.

"I knew you'd come back," he said, tears landing in her long red hair. "I knew you would. I've been thinking about you non-stop this whole time. I've barely trained at all, maybe once every few weeks, not for more than a few hours, and I think I've cried at least once daily. That's how badly I missed you."

Misty was suprised at this sudden honesty; He had never openly admitted to caring so deeply for her. She realized her own tears were starting to soak his shirt, and she wondered when she had started crying. "

I've cried every night for the past year, at least," she whispered. "The first year, I kept telling myself to get over it, to put you out of my mind. Then I began wondering about you again. I couldn't keep myself away from you any more, I just couldn't take it..."

She let a sob escape, and before she could stop herself she was crying like a child. "I can't possibly tell you how sorry I am," she choked, "But I won't do that again, ever!"

Ash squeezed her closer, then let go, tipped her chin up, and kissed her for the first time in over three years.

Something in the back of Misty's mind released, and the weight that she'd been carrying in her heart broke away. For a brief moment, her knees tried to give out and she thought she would fall; Ash's grip on her was so tight that she didn't even slip.

As the kiss broke, Ash made eye contact with her. "Stay."

Whether it was a request or a command, Misty didn't care. She allowed him to pull her inside their old house again, the first time in what seemed like forever, and Misty finally felt she'd found her home.


End file.
